Every factual gag in this duel comes from public reporting:
Apple announced a 'Welcome home' press event ('Apple Experience') for Tuesday, October 13, 2026, in New York — 9to5mac.com(2026-10-08)
Bloomberg reported Apple's first smart home hub, informally called 'HomePad', with a 6-inch display, would launch on October 13 alongside a new HomePod mini and Apple TV (report, not confirmed by Apple) — 9to5mac.com(2026-09-30)
Per Bloomberg: the hub uses facial recognition to identify who stands in front of the screen; its hardware was finished early while Apple waited for the assistant to catch up; the HomePod mini gets its first update since 2020; the category has long been dominated by Amazon and Google — macdailynews.com(2026-09-30)
Bloomberg's latest report (Oct 11, 2026) says the hub will be called 'HomeView', not 'HomePad', with an iMac G4-style floating display, shipping around mid-November (report, not confirmed by Apple) — 9to5mac.com(2026-10-11)
Siri AI shipped with iOS 27 as a beta behind a waitlist, English only at launch (Sept 2026) — macrumors.com(2026-09-15)
Apple discontinued the original HomePod (March 12, 2021) to focus on the HomePod mini — 9to5mac.com(2021-03-12)
Apple's own privacy-focused home camera and sensor is still planned for 2027 and reportedly will not record video — macrumors.com(2026-10-07)
Apple co-developed a doorbell, smart lock, thermostat and cameras with LG that will carry the LG brand; Bloomberg calls the push a formal reboot of HomeKit — 9to5mac.com(2026-10-06)
Amazon announced the first Echo Show (7-inch touchscreen) on May 9, 2017; about 14 Echo Show models have shipped since, up to the Echo Show 8 and 11 in November 2025 — en.wikipedia.org(2026-10)
Alexa+ became available to everyone in the US (Feb 4, 2026): free with Prime, $19.99 a month without — techcrunch.com(2026-02-04)
Amazon says Alexa+ users converse twice as much and buy three times more than before (CES 2026) — aboutamazon.com(2026-01)
The Echo Show 8 and 11 (on sale November 12, 2025) recognize you when you walk up, greet you and show your information — aboutamazon.com(2025-11)
Amazon launched premium Alexa tablets (Alexa Tablet 12 Pro at $499.99), on sale October 14, 2026 — fortune.com(2026-10-08)
Alexa+ Greetings lets Alexa+ answer a Ring doorbell and talk to visitors (CES 2026) — aboutamazon.com(2026-01)